Moving forward after Grief and Loss can seem impossible.
I attended a funeral virtually last week for a much loved family member. As well as the sadness of losing this person, the reality of being unable to attend the funeral in person due to government restrictions was horrible.
It got me thinking about people I had lost in the past, initial feelings of grief, how I felt attending their funerals. Then I thought about how I think about them now. I knew I still missed them, loved them, I knew I would never get over the loss but I knew I had moved forward somehow, I just hadn’t noticed it.
Thinking about Grief and Loss
Imagine a large glass bowl with a balloon inside it.
The glass bowl represents your Life and the balloon represents the Grief.
In the beginning the balloon takes up all the space in the glass bowl. There is no room for anything else. The balloon is almost the same size as the glass bowl, but it fits in, consuming the bowl.
Some time later the balloon shrinks slightly in size. The glass bowl stays the same size but there is now a little space for other things in the bowl too.
Then, a while later, again, the balloon has shrunk in size. It is still there taking up space, but it has reduced in size and now there is space for much more inside the bowl if you chose to fill it. The balloon will never leave the bowl but now it is at a size that is easier for the bowl to manage.
In my experience, grief never goes. The feeling of loss never leaves. But the space in my life grows for other things to come into it. If I allow it to.
NLP Coaching Techniques and Grief and Loss
Practicing NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) I sometimes use techniques to help my clients think and feel differently, move forward and get results. My favourite technique is called “Parts Integration Technique” and the first time I ever experienced this it was really moving, beautiful and gave me so much clarity.
What is Part Integration Technique?
It is an NLP technique used for internal conflict. So, for example, on one hand you think “a” and on the other hand you think “b” This causes arguments in your head. Your mind is in conflict. What Parts Integration does is, it brings the 2 parts of conflict together and that then brings harmony and peace to the mind. It enables clear decision making and positive, more balanced thoughts.
How does this Technique work?
We work out, through a series of detailed questioning what each “part” wants. What is the purpose of each “part”? Ultimately each part, although it appears to be conflicting and opposite, the parts actually want the same positive thing. This is called “The Highest Positive Intention” As a Master Practitioner I am able bring those parts together to give, peace, harmony and relief to the individual.
How can this help with moving forward with Grief and Loss?
There may be a point in your grief that you begin to want other things in your life. You may begin to want to do more, think differently, have more in your world. However, the guilt, sadness, emotion, stops you from doing that. You are at conflict with your thoughts and it’s really hard to know what to do. Guilt often has a big part to play in this.
This process will bring your parts together. Sometimes just finding what the “Highest Positive Intentions” of the “parts” is enough. But bringing them together can absolutely change your life and bring clarity and calm to your thinking. Using this technique with my clients has enabled clear thinking, solid decision making and relief and calm from their thoughts and situations.
In my experience, it has allowed me to accept that life goes on. I realise that I can continue living each day, find something positive, live my life but I do not feel riddled with guilt when I feel happiness. This is a good place to be.
More information and support for Grief and Loss can be found here: