How to stop Negative Self Talk and Negative Thoughts


Before we look at How to stop Negative Self Talk and Negative Thoughts,  it is important that we understand what it actually is and where it comes from.

What is Negative Self Talk?

Negative self-talk is a term that refers to the thoughts we have about ourselves and our abilities.

Negative self-talk is an internal dialogue that we have with ourselves. It’s a voice in our head that can be either positive or negative and it can affect us in many different ways.

Negative Self Talk is that voice in your brain telling you that you that you can’t. It’s the little gremlin inside us that tells you things like “you’re not good enough” or “you are stupid” or “you will never be like that”

A lot of people have negative thoughts about themselves.  It keeps us in that state of comfort and safety. However, hearing and feeling negative thoughts can stop us from living the life we really want. The good thing is that you do have complete control over negative self-talk, and you can eliminate it.

What Causes Negative Self Talk

The causes for negative self-talk are usually related to past experiences, negative thoughts and feelings, and the judgment from others.  When we experience something that does not go to plan, goes wrong or we get a negative feeling from it we hold the feeling it gives us in our body.  We associate the feeling with negative words. And then every time we think about that negative experience of get that same feeling we have those associated words go around in our heads.

Negative Self Talk can start from an early age and is usually associated with feelings of low self-worth, shame, guilt, or insecurity.

A negative inner voice can have so many different causes, but it often starts with criticism from others. This criticism can lead to self-criticism, which in turn leads to negative thoughts about ourselves.

Usually, our critical voice is mimicking a voice from the past. Perhaps you had a critical parent, and your inner voice is on repeat based on what you heard growing up. The way that we continuously talk to ourselves becomes a part of our mental chat in our heads. We accept it, usually without the awareness of how destructive it is and how much it’s holding us back in the present. Needless to say, a negative inner voice really impacts how we feel about ourselves.

Negative and critical thoughts happen to everyone, but they don’t always have to be a bad thing. They can help us see things from a unique perspective, they could help us come up with new ideas for problems that need solving.

How To Stop Negative Self Talk?

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Find the Root Cause:

The first step to stop this cycle is to identify the root cause of your negative self-talk and then begin to acknowledge it. Acknowledging the root cause will enable you to start to own your thoughts, wherever they came from, give you more control over them and then eventually change them or get rid of them all together.

To find the root cause, ask yourself questions like “When was the first time I felt like this?”  “Where did all these negative words come from?”  “What is the positive intention to these negative words” and make a note of what comes up.

Often there is an element of protection around negative self-talk. It’s our unconscious mind’s way of keeping us safe.  But when we no longer need this protection, when we want to do things differently or change what we do it can become an emotional block.

Repeat Repeat Repeat

Because Negative self-talk is a type of automatic negative thinking, for us to change it or get rid of it we need to work on it. Just changing your self-talk to something positive once will not be enough to stop the cycle. You need to repeat it again and again to get results.

Remind yourself

Have something that will remind you to change your negative words. Some people like a visual reminder to say positive things. Others prefer to listen to something daily to encourage it. Maybe you already know your usual negative words, if you do you could change the words into a positive by using the opposite meanings.  This can prove challenging sometimes, if is a challenge get in touch. I can help.

Find a Method that works for you

Other ways in which people can stop this type of self-talk such as through mindfulness, meditation, and other methods.

Personally, I use EFT tapping. It is a simple, powerful energy therapy that can eliminate negative energy from the body including negative thoughts and behaviours. Negative Self talk will have started from a feeling in the body. With EFT, you can tune into and release this negative feeling and therefore reduce the negative self-talk. Find out more here….

Have Patience and Be Kind


There will be times when no matter how hard you try you just cannot change those negative thoughts. Be kind on yourself. It’s ok.  Give yourself a break and do something nice. Sometimes it’s ok to feel anxious, sad, no good. just recognising that you are doing it and acknowledging this can be enough to start the process of unravelling your negative words.

Take one day at a time.


Ask for Help

 It’s ok to ask for professional help. Forcing positive thoughts is not useful especially if you are suffering with anxiety and depression. If you are really finding it hard to change your negative self-talk then find a professional to help you.



Found this interesting?  You may like to know how EFT can help to control anxiety


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Lisa worked with me on a one-to-one basis. I can honestly say that she made me feel so relaxed and she is so easy to talk to.…the work she did really reinforced some changes I needed to make in my life. I can say that through the work we did together I now have a clearer vision for the future and have more confidence. I am truly thankful for her help and assistance.  

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